Introduction: The Rise of Single Motherhood by Choice
In recent years, the idea of becoming a single mother by choice has gained visibility in many societies. Women who decide to raise children alone, often through artificial means such as IVF or sperm donation, are celebrated in some cultural narratives as independent and self-empowered.
Yet, for the Orthodox Church, motherhood, fatherhood, and family are not matters of individual choice in isolation but sacred realities rooted in God’s design for humanity.
Orthodoxy views the family as a small church, a holy unit where love is cultivated in Christ and where children grow within the fullness of parental love from both a mother and a father.
Decisions about creating life are not seen as purely personal but as deeply moral and spiritual, subject to God’s commandments and the life of the Church.
The Orthodox Understanding of Family
In Orthodox Christianity, family is not simply a human arrangement but a divine institution. God Himself blessed the union of man and woman in marriage from the very beginning, saying:
“It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him”
Genesis 2:18
This union is not only for companionship but also for the continuation of life, blessed through the sacred act of procreation within the marital covenant.
The Holy Apostle Paul calls marriage “a great mystery” (Ephesians 5:32), showing that it reflects the union between Christ and His Church.
In this mystery, the raising of children is not a project of one parent’s will but a shared calling in which the love of both parents mirrors the love of God.
Motherhood in the Light of Orthodoxy
Motherhood in Orthodoxy is a holy calling.
The Theotokos, the Virgin Mary, stands as the highest example of motherhood, embodying humility, obedience, and sacrificial love. She bore Christ not as an act of self-determination but as an act of complete submission to the will of God, saying:
“Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word”
Luke 1:38
For the Orthodox Christian woman, motherhood is never merely a personal choice or achievement. It is a vocation given by God, meant to be lived in the context of faith, prayer, and the marital union.
To remove motherhood from this context is to remove it from the fullness of the blessing intended for both mother and child.
The Role of the Father in Orthodox Family Life
Orthodoxy insists that the role of the father is not optional in God’s design for family. The father is not merely a biological contributor but a spiritual leader, a protector, and a guide for his children.
The Scriptures affirm the duty of fathers to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
This is not something that can be replaced by good intentions or material provision alone.
The absence of a father figure deprives the child of the full image of parental love, which in God’s design is revealed through both paternal and maternal care.
While the Church recognizes that life circumstances—such as widowhood or abandonment—can lead to single-parent families, the deliberate choice to exclude a father from the life of a child is seen as contrary to the child’s God-given right to a complete family.
Single Motherhood by Choice in Light of Orthodox Teaching
When a woman chooses to have a child alone through artificial methods, the Orthodox Church asks two fundamental questions:
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- Is this action in harmony with God’s commandments?
- Does this decision serve the eternal well-being of the child?
Orthodox teaching answers these questions through both Scripture and the wisdom of the Saints.
Life is a gift from God, not a personal possession, and the context in which life begins matters deeply.
The Holy Fathers consistently emphasize that the creation of life should be the fruit of holy marriage. Saint John Chrysostom teaches that marriage is the natural and God-ordained place for children to be conceived and raised, so they may grow in love, stability, and faith.
The Child’s Rights from an Orthodox Perspective
Orthodoxy speaks not only about parental rights but also about the rights of the child.
A child has the right to be conceived through the loving union of his or her mother and father, united in the sacrament of marriage.
The child has the right to know both parents and to be nurtured by their complementary gifts.
Psalm 126 (LXX) says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord.”
This heritage is not just biological life but the full richness of a family that reflects the image of God’s love. To deny a child the presence of a father from the very start is to deny part of this heritage.
The Problem of Individualism in Modern Views of Family
Modern society often places individual desire above all else. The question “What do I want?” replaces the deeper question “What is right before God?”
In matters of family, this individualism can lead to decisions that satisfy emotional or personal needs but neglect the spiritual and moral implications.
Orthodox Christianity challenges this mindset by reminding us that life is not about self-fulfillment but about self-offering. Christ Himself says:
“If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me”
Luke 9:23
In the context of motherhood, this means shaping our choices according to God’s will, even when they conflict with personal desires.
Pastoral Compassion and Real-Life Situations
While the Church holds a clear teaching on the sanctity of marriage and the God-ordained structure of family life, she also shows deep pastoral compassion to those who find themselves in difficult situations.
There are cases where single motherhood is not a matter of choice but the result of tragedy, abandonment, or sin repented of. In such cases, the Church calls the community to surround the mother and child with love, prayer, and support.
However, compassion must not be confused with approval of choices that contradict the faith.
Love in the Orthodox sense is always united with truth. Saint Paisios of Mount Athos often warned that true love does not affirm what is spiritually harmful but instead guides the soul toward salvation.
The Path of Repentance and Obedience
For those who have chosen single motherhood through means contrary to the teachings of the Church, the path forward is the same as for all sins: repentance, confession, and a return to obedience to Christ.
The Church is a spiritual hospital, and the aim is always healing and restoration.
Repentance is not simply feeling sorry but actively reorienting life toward God’s will. Psalm 50 (LXX) says:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
The Lord receives all who turn to Him sincerely, no matter their past.
Raising Children in the Faith as a Single Mother
When a woman finds herself raising children alone—whether by choice or by circumstance—the Church calls her to rely completely on God’s grace.
Regular prayer, participation in the sacraments, and the support of the parish community are essential.
The child should be brought to church from the earliest years, taught to pray, and surrounded by faithful Orthodox role models.
The Church encourages single mothers to seek out healthy spiritual fatherhood for their children through godparents, priests, and faithful men in the parish who can offer guidance and example.
This does not replace the role of a biological father but helps provide stability and Christian instruction.
Orthodoxy’s Call to the Whole Community
The Orthodox view of family is not isolated to the parents alone. The entire Church community shares in the responsibility of nurturing and guiding children in the faith.
Every baptismal service reminds us that the newly illumined Christian is being welcomed into the life of the whole Church, not only into a private household.
This means that single mothers—whether by choice or circumstance—should not be left to struggle alone. The love and guidance of the parish can help compensate for what is missing and offer the child a fuller experience of Orthodox Christian life.
Conclusion: Returning to God’s Design
Single motherhood by choice may seem, to modern thinking, like an expression of freedom and empowerment. But in the light of Orthodoxy, freedom is not the ability to do whatever we wish; it is the ability to live in accordance with God’s truth.
The Orthodox Church calls all of us—men, women, and children—to live according to the pattern revealed by Christ.
Family life, in its fullest and most blessed form, is a reflection of the unity, love, and self-giving that flows from the Holy Trinity.
To deliberately depart from this pattern is to step away from the source of life and blessing.
How Parents Can Explain This to Children
You can tell your children: “God made families so every child can have both a mother and a father who love each other and love God. A mother gives care, a father gives protection, and together they help the child grow close to Christ. When we follow God’s way, our family is filled with His blessing.”