Orthodoxy and Christianity both teach that choosing a spouse is one of the most serious steps in life. Marriage is not only about companionship but also about salvation.
The Church reminds us that it is better to remain unmarried than to enter into a marriage with the wrong person. Recognizing the wrong partner before marriage is a spiritual necessity, not merely a practical precaution.
The Apostle Paul warns Christians not to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
This applies not only to faith but also to character, honesty, and responsibility. When these are missing, the relationship becomes a source of pain rather than a path to holiness.
Why Discernment Before Marriage Is Essential
In Orthodox Christianity, discernment is a gift from God that protects believers from deception.
Too often, people confuse temporary feelings of attraction with true Christian love. Many young men and women realize too late that their partner lacks maturity or seriousness.
Psalm 118(119):105 says: “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
Christians are called to use the light of God’s word to test whether a relationship is genuine or merely emotional excitement. Entering marriage without discernment is like building on sand.
Saint Paisios taught that the choice of a spouse must be made with prayer, fasting, and spiritual counsel, not with haste or passion.
If one ignores the guidance of God and the Church, the consequences are heavy, especially when children later suffer.
Spiritual Red Flags Before Marriage
One of the clearest spiritual red flags is pride. A person who refuses to listen, to repent, or to forgive is not ready for the sacrament of marriage.
Marriage is a crown of humility, not a platform for ego.
Another warning sign is indifference toward God and the Church. If someone does not pray, avoids confession, or shows no respect for Holy Communion, they will not respect the sanctity of marriage either.
Saint John Chrysostom said:
“Where Christ is present, the devil dares not enter.”
A marriage without Christ at its center becomes vulnerable to constant division.
Also, dishonesty is a serious danger. Many young people hide their true feelings until it is too late. Dishonesty before marriage is a sign of immaturity and irresponsibility.
A responsible Christian speaks the truth from the beginning, even if it causes pain.
Looking for meaningful Orthodox gifts? Your search ends here. Get 10% off our collection now. 🎁✨!
Practical Red Flags Before Marriage
Orthodoxy does not ignore practical wisdom. If someone avoids responsibility, does not work, or shows no seriousness about building a life, they are not prepared for marriage.
The Fathers often said that love is like a fire that requires two logs to burn. If one partner refuses to contribute, the flame will quickly die out.
Another red flag is lack of communication. Many couples never learn how to speak honestly. If conversation is shallow or based only on temporary pleasures, the relationship cannot last.
Marriage requires depth, patience, and the ability to share burdens.
A further warning sign is when the relationship is built only on appearance or wealth. Proverbs 31:30 says:
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”
Christianity teaches that inner virtue matters more than outward attraction.
The Ego As The Root Of Failed Relationships
Premarital relations are acts of deep egoism. In such situations, the person says to God: “I will take for myself what I want. I do not need Your blessing.”
This spirit of pride rots the foundation of love. What begins as passion often ends as disappointment, because it was not built on God.
Psalm 126:1 declares:
“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.”
Without God’s grace, relationships collapse. This is why Orthodoxy insists on chastity before marriage. It is not a restriction but a protection against the decay of love.
The Importance Of Responsibility And Maturity
The greatest mistake many people make is entering marriage immaturely. Some change partners repeatedly, never realizing that the problem is within themselves.
If one cannot remain faithful to one person, then no partner will ever be enough.
Orthodoxy and Christianity teach that real love is costly. It requires sacrifice, forgiveness, and patience.
As Saint Paisios often said, “What is beautiful costs us something.”
A responsible Christian must be prepared to suffer for the other, to put their spouse above themselves, and to place Christ above both.
The Blessing Of God As The Foundation
Older generations often did not marry with romantic intensity but with faith and responsibility. They saw marriage as a sacred vow made before God and man. This gave their marriages stability. When a man once said, “She is my wife,” he meant it with the weight of divine blessing.
Today, when people ignore God’s blessing, they build their marriage on their ego. This is why so many unions fail.
Orthodoxy teaches that the true foundation of marriage is the Mystery of Holy Matrimony, where God Himself crowns the couple. This crown is not only of joy but also of martyrdom, calling each to sacrifice for the other.
Modern World Versus Orthodox Christianity On Choosing A Partner
The modern world and Orthodox Christianity have very different views on this issue.
The modern world values feelings above all else. If someone feels strong emotions, they think it must be love. Christianity teaches that true love is not a passing feeling but a commitment rooted in God.
The world encourages premarital relations as a way to “test compatibility.” Orthodoxy sees this as egoism, rejecting the blessing of God and damaging the sanctity of love.
Society today believes that freedom means leaving whenever one is not happy. The Church teaches that true freedom is found in responsibility, sacrifice, and perseverance.
Modern culture values appearances, wealth, and social status. Christianity values inner virtue, humility, and the fear of God.
The world often sees marriage as temporary, something that can be abandoned when passions fade. Orthodoxy teaches that marriage is a covenant and a lifelong journey toward salvation.
Society celebrates divorce as liberation. The Church, while compassionate, calls it a tragedy and encourages repentance, prayer, and reconciliation whenever possible.
Modern thinking views marriage as personal fulfillment. Orthodoxy sees it as a little Church, a path to holiness, and a preparation for the Kingdom of Heaven.
Guidance For Orthodox Christians
From the lessons of Orthodoxy and Christianity we learn:
- Pray and seek spiritual counsel before choosing a partner.
- Do not confuse excitement with true love.
- Look for humility, responsibility, and faith in Christ.
- Avoid partners who show dishonesty, irresponsibility, or contempt for the Church.
- Trust in God’s blessing, for He alone gives the grace that makes marriage strong.
How Parents Can Explain This To Children
Parents can explain simply:
“When you grow up and want to marry, you must ask God to show you the right person. If someone lies, does not love Christ, or only cares about looks or money, they are not ready for marriage. Real love is when you pray together, help each other, and stay faithful, even when life is hard. God gives the right husband or wife as a gift, and you must treasure that gift.”